Mindful Psychology Associates

Licensed Clinical Psychologists in Evanston, Illinois

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Mediation: Making Divorce Less Terrible

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A Free Talk for Therapists

Learn more about the mediation process from a legal pro. Creative collaborative and mediated agreements are more likely to enable all parties and their children to succeed in the future. Attorney Rachel Moore will discuss alternatives to going to court — specifically mediation and collaborative divorce, as well as covering some of the benefits of using each approach. Common myths and pet peeves about mediation will also be examined.

  • FRIDAY, MAY 5, 2023
  • 9:00 AM – 10:30 AM
divorce mediation

Speaker Rachel Moore

Former Assistant Attorney General for the State of Illinois, Rachel Moore is a Collaborative Divorce Institute Fellow. Her private practice, Rachel Moore Law, LLC, is now devoted to collaborative law, facilitative mediation, and representing parties utilizing mediation.

Rachel Moore
Rachel Moore

About the Event

REGISTRATION REQUIRED:
Email your RSVP to hello@evanstonpsychologists.com.

  • Held at Mindful Psychology Associates, 636 Church St., Suite 520, Evanston, Illinois
  • 9:00 AM–9:30 AM: Networking and pastries
  • 9:30 AM–10:30 AM: Presentation and Q&A
  • Free for therapists!

Beating the New Year’s Slump for the ADHD Brain

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The New Year can bring a surge of motivation and inspiration into our lives, with its wealth of possibilities; new year, new you, new ideas and a fresh start. But many of us entering a new year with great expectations and hopes of change may inevitably find ourselves feeling the thrill of a new start be dimmed by the struggle of maintaining the new habits of our resolutions.

For many with neurodivergence, in which ADHD, Autism, and more are included, the new year excitement often ends in disappointment and disparaging self-talk. How many of us have committed to a new hobby or habit and declared that it was “our year” to make a big change, only to feel let down by March 1st? How many craft supplies, exercise plans, diets, self-help books, and ambitious planners have been left in the dust?

Here’s the good news: habit formation can actually be a talent within ADHD, rather than an impossibility. However, how most neurotypical people view starting a new habit is far from the reality of those with neurodivergence. The key is to stop holding yourself to the standards of routine of others, and start identifying your own habit-forming skills.

So, what are those, exactly? The answer is different for everyone, but there are some potential hints to figure out your own habit-forming style.

1. Identify Your Activity Patterns!

One of the biggest stumbling blocks for starting a new habit can be in when, where, and how you start. What time of day do you generally get the most done? Where do you feel the most focus? What conditions around you make for the best outcome? Neurodivergent brains are sensitive to their surroundings and pre-set patterns. If you find you struggle with starting a new habit, it may be best to orient it around timeframes and environmental stimuli that already work for you. For some, that may be music, white noise, aromatherapy, a cup of tea, and a snack. For others, that may mean burning the midnight oil and having a friend along.

For more helpful tips on breaking down your productivity patterns, consider looking at the “MW5”, a method of productivity pioneered by ADHD coach Robert Pal: A Deceptively Simple System for Getting More Done with ADHD.

headphones and peace

2. Embrace Variety in Your Consistency

One of the major factors in losing a habit or forgetting a resolution is the loss of interest. After a while, the new and exciting habit you were trying to start loses any sort of thrill, and the ADHD brain tosses out the boring information to make room for new, exciting stimuli. So how do we avoid this encroaching boredom? By introducing variety into our consistency. This may sound like an oxymoron, but I promise it is not. The neurodivergent brain craves variety to maintain focus, and it needs consistency and structure for functionality. The trick lies in balancing the two needs.

If your resolution is going stale, it may be time to brainstorm how to keep your goal while making it interesting for yourself again. Common variety-helpers are changing the rewards of your new habit, breaking the habit or task into smaller, defined tasks, creating new and meaningful reminders for yourself, setting alarms, or cutting down on interference to the task.

3. Redefine Your Relationship with Routine

Routine is a regular enemy of the ADHD brain — once something loses variety and interest, continuing a task increased in difficulty almost exponentially. The key is to start small: an overall behavioral change can be difficult to keep up with when it takes more effort and focus than whatever behavior came before it. Making the behavior smaller — for example, doing a one-minute increment of a new activity rather than immediately dedicating an hour, and increasing that increment slowly — allows the new habit to latch on in the brain. Maintaining your new habit at a smaller increment for a significant stretch of time, rather than starting it at full strength, helps to slowly rewire your brain, making it become easier to maintain without as much overt effort or purposeful action.

For more on the relationship with routine, try ADHD Coach and Productivity Consultant Marla Cummins’ tips for habit forming: How ADHD Adults Can Finally Fix Their Love-Hate Relationship with Habits.

4. Find Your Internal and External Motivators

Why did you want to make your resolution? What is it you want to achieve from this change in behavior? Are these strong enough to hold your habit? These are your internal motivators. Are there others in your life that can join you in this new habit? Having others engage in the same activities often helps maintain motivation to continue by providing outside accountability and external motivation. Is there an end goal that the change in habit needs in order to succeed? Having firm end outcomes that are both interesting and meaningful to you can cut down on the urge to abandon a new habit that hasn’t hit its stride yet.

These tips may give you a place to start tackling your habits, but if you’re finding yourself struggling, the option to see an ADHD-focused professional is always an option for further support.

Please see more information about Alayni Frizzell, LPC, or use our scheduling form to schedule an appointment with her!

College Students and Mental Health: A One-Hour Zoom Webinar for Parents

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What are signs of possible mental health issues? What are the most effective ways to communicate with your student about mental health before leaving this fall? How do parents manage this big change (if a new college student) and work with boundaries, independence, etc.?

Free via Zoom on Thursday, August 18, 2022; 4:00 pm – 5:00 pm.
Join Dr. Contarino Panning for information and resources about helping your young adult children.

For more information and to register: evanstonpsychologists.com/webinar

In-Person Therapy Appointments Now Available at Our Renovated Office

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Mindful Psychology Associates is excited to now offer in-person therapy services at our renovated suite in the historic Carlson Building in downtown Evanston! We have heard your requests for wanting to see a therapist in person, and are now enjoying seeing some of our older and newer clients in person.

As a healthcare facility, we require everyone (staff and clients) to wear masks while in the waiting room or therapy offices. We have medical-grade air purifiers in the waiting room, as well as each office, as precautions to keep our office a healthy environment. Each client will need to sign a waiver agreeing to our COVID protocols and guidelines.

We will continue offering telehealth services through our Zoom for Healthcare platform as long as health insurance continues to reimburse telehealth. The last two years have shown the effectiveness and power of telehealth and we are happy to offer choices to our clients, especially the convenience and increased access that telehealth offers.

After a very busy winter and spring, several of our clinicians have openings for new clients. Summer is a great time to focus on improving your mental health or discussing emotional readiness for college.

Mindful Psychology Associates’ two newest clinicians are accepting referrals for new clients! Amy Bailey, LCPC, is a seasoned clinician who works with young adults and adults on issues around depression, anxiety, and trauma. She also does couples therapy for couples seeking to strengthen their relationship or address serious concerns. MPA’s newest clinician, Alison Stoll, LPC, works with teens, children over age 10, and adults seeking support regarding trauma and mood disorders. She is also trained in EMDR, which is an effective therapy to address the impact of trauma.

For all inquiries, please contact our admin team at 847-864-0600 or visit www.evanstonpsychologists.com/schedule to get started in our intake system.

Wishing everyone a relaxing and fun summer!

Navigating the Transition to College Life

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Much build-up is involved in the process of going to college, starting in high school if not sooner. Students are focused on building academic skills, as well as participating in sports, hobbies, and extracurricular activities in the pursuit of getting into the fill-in-the-blank (best, highest ranked, BIG 10, Ivy League, liberal arts) college or university. In addition, high schoolers are consumed with ACT/SAT test prep, essay writing, college visits, applications, and financial aid decisions.

Finally—congratulations, you’ve been accepted at a college or university that seems like a terrific fit, the finances have been worked out, and you feel excited about your next adventure where you will be spending the next 4 to 5 years! High school wraps up, you move into your dorm room, say goodbye to your family, and wait for your best life to start.

Despite many older people who have wistfully told you that college will be the “best years of your life” and seeing loads of Instagram posts with smiling, partying first year students … you’re not feeling it. You and your roommate don’t get along well. It’s hard going from the predictability of your high school life living in your family’s home to facing so many decisions in a strange, new place. You feel homesick and lonely and also guilty for feeling so bad while being at your top-choice school. People excitedly ask you how college life is going and you don’t want to be honest that you are struggling (and potentially let them down), so you say it is great! Frankly, you feel lost.

If you can resonate with these feelings, keep reading!

Starting college is a major adjustment in myriad ways—and a rich time for psychological development and growth. Quite often while going through life transitions, we have preconceived expectations and hopes of what we hope will happen in our new life. Yours may have looked something like: I moved into my dorm room and formed an easy connection with my roommate, enjoyed my classes, had a large group of friends to eat meals with in the cafeteria, and developed a thriving social life. I studied a lot but work was manageable, and had a great time partying with my friends.

So what happens when your expectations aren’t coming to fruition, or at least aren’t happening right now?

Human memory has an ironic way of preserving positive experiences while minimizing negative, boring, and stressful ones. This cognitive bias is referred to as Rosy Retrospection (see https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/rosy-retrospection/) where after time elapses, we tend to remember fun and happy memories and those hard times fade away. So when your Aunt Jackie reminisces with you about the fun parties and crazy antics she experienced in college, she’s also probably not recalling and remembering the difficult times.

What can you do to ease this transition?

Identify What You’re Feeling

You may be experiencing a wide range of feelings—sadness, homesickness, frustration, anxiety, excitement, confusion to name a few (and you may experience all of these during one day!) Having intense emotional experiences can be overwhelming and at times even exhausting. Checking in with yourself about your emotions, and deciding to accept them as valid and normal, can be a useful tool

Acknowledge Your Vulnerability

Major life transitions can be accompanied with questions and self-doubt—am I ‘doing it right?’ Will things get better? Why does it seem like everyone else is in a better place? During times of great change, many of us may feel vulnerable or helpless and uncomfortable with not being able to predict what may happen in the short or long term.

You may have heard the expression “comparison is the thief of joy.” The reality is that some college students adjust more seamlessly than others. Many factors may go into this such as having close friends at the same college, experiencing a sense of community quickly, or many other reasons. It may feel unfair that you’re having a more difficult time—it’s not fun, that is for certain. Acknowledging your discomfort and owning your own personal experience (rather than comparing yourself to your high school friends) can help.

Name Your Struggle

Be honest with yourself that you’re struggling—sometimes this is the hardest step. It might feel scary to acknowledge that things aren’t going as well as you had hoped. Talk to a trusted friend or supportive family member. It may be helpful to talk to an older friend who has already transitioned to college and seems to be doing well. You’re certainly not alone though in your experience even though others may also be concealing their true feelings or reluctant to share vulnerable feelings.

college student struggle

Remember the Basics

Most new college students are learning more about how to take care of themselves without any family help. This can be hard, especially if you are living away from home for the first time. Things like establishing a healthy sleep schedule, making sure that you’re eating regular meals with a balanced diet, getting fresh air and walking every day may seem rudimentary, but making sure these areas of your life are in a healthy balance can also benefit your mental health. Stress can cause disruptions in eating, sleeping, and energy level, so attempting to establish healthy habits can be useful now and during more stressful times.

Connect with Others

Think about your friendships from high school or earlier—those friendships most likely took investing a lot of time (possibly even over years) and shared experiences to deepen. Researcher Jeff Hall found that it takes on average 50 hours spending time with someone to consider them a casual friend, and over 200 hours to develop a close friendship (see https://news.ku.edu/2018/03/06/study-reveals-number-hours-it-takes-make-friend).

Keep that in mind as you navigate these early budding friendships! So start small—commit to getting to know one hallmate, say hello to someone you sit next to in class, go to one extracurricular meeting. Take advantage of social connection activities that dorms and colleges offer in the first few months, and also know that you may feel uncomfortable or awkward at first.

Therapy Can Help

Most colleges and universities have a counseling center or referral resources for students. Focusing on students’ mental health has increased over the years with more students reporting anxiety and depression symptoms than ever before. It may be helpful to start therapy for additional support and guidance. This may be particularly relevant if you have a prior mental health history (anxiety, depression, eating disorder) and especially important if your anxiety or depressive symptoms feel severe or are impacting your ability to take care of yourself and attend classes.

I’ve been working as a Licensed Clinical Psychologist specializing in college student mental health for almost 20 years. I started my career working in university counseling centers and have spent the last 17 years in my outpatient practice helping many students smoothly make this major life transition with their mental health intact. I’ve worked with undergraduate students for their entire four (or more) years of their undergraduate degree, and have also worked with students just for a few sessions to help with adjustment.

All of the therapists at Mindful Psychology Associates are trained in working with college students and both the typical adjustment issues as well as treating more long-term concerns such as major depressive disorder or anxiety disorders.

By Dr. Jennifer Contarino Panning, Psy.D.
Founder/President, Mindful Psychology Associates PC

Just Another Pandemic School Year: Coping and Supporting College Students During the Global Pandemic

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It goes without saying that the global pandemic has left no one untouched as we now enter the year and a half mark when stay at home orders and mask mandates were placed in effect in an effort to stop the spread of COVID-19.

Sadly, colleges and universities are all too familiar with mounting feelings of stress as many institutions have seen an increase in rates of depression, anxiety, loneliness, and isolation. A survey completed by Boston University in 2021 that looked at nearly 33,000 college students from across the United States saw increased rates of anxiety and depression, with half of college students in 2020 showing signs of depression and anxiety. A shocking 83% of these same students expressed that their mental health had negatively impacted their academic performance over the past month. College students continue to carry the same high demands that come with collegiate academics, all while trying to navigate the unfamiliar territory of virtual courses, online exams, and Zoom group meetings. Additionally, students’ local support systems may not be as accessible and they may struggle with finding local supports.

Having worked side-by-side with college and university students as a clinician for the last couple years, I have seen the significant impact the pandemic has had on young adults — incoming freshmen expressing loneliness and isolation in a new and unfamiliar place, seniors feeling robbed of the pivotal graduation milestones, and so many students expressing fear and worry as the uncertainty of the global pandemic continues to weigh heavier on their shoulders as each day passes. These are, sadly, all too familiar themes.

We are all social creatures. Some of us may prefer less or more company than others, but one thing we all have in common is that we need and thrive on connection. Take away the ability for us to connect in ways that feel meaningful, such as being in the same physical space as another human being, and how could you not feel anxious, overwhelmed, and sad?

While all of us, regardless of age and education level, are social beings, college is a particularly unique time where young adults begin to explore who they authentically are, majority of which occurs in the context of our relationships with others. College life involves living, working, socializing, and learning together. The current pandemic, however, has taken away so many of these opportunities.

As both a human being and a clinician, I can empathize with the tremendous struggles facing college students as they try their hardest to navigate the continued global pandemic.

So, what can be done? In times that are undeniably unpredictable and stability is hard to find, is it possible to feel a sense of relief and “normalcy”? How do we support ourselves and/or those in our lives who are struggling?

  1. Acknowledge your experience. This may seem simple, and it is perhaps one of the most valuable things you could offer yourself or someone else. Each of our experiences are valid. The current state of the world is emotionally and physically draining, with each of us experiencing the impact differently. There may be a voice in your head saying “Well, everyone is going through the same thing and they all seem to be going about life just fine.” Yes, sadly we are all experiencing the global pandemic. It has impacted us all in both similar and different ways. However, that does not make your experience any less valid. Your suffering and struggles mean just as much. How we speak to ourselves has an impact on our internal experience. This invalidating voice will, more likely than not, leave you feeling dismissed, overwhelmed, and undervalued. A more validating internal dialogue of “Everyone is going through the same thing and still my feelings (i.e., sadness, anxiety, loneliness) matter” allows space for compassion and acceptance of where you are. It’s important to make sure these validating words feels authentic though. If my wording doesn’t click with you then find a compassionate way to speak to yourself that does.
  • See your accomplishments. Let’s face it, we are all often our own worst enemies. Particularly in times when we are already feeling emotional and physically depleted, it can be so easy as our day goes on to see all the things we “should” have done differently. For those of us who are self-identified perfectionists this is all too familiar. Sometimes we can feel that if we just focus on all the things we could maybe improve on, then maybe we will ultimately feel better. Our brains are trying to be helpful (sort of), but these impossibly high standards often leave us feeling even worse. It is challenging to go against the grain, and sometimes taking time at the end of our day to simply write out and reflect on what we are proud of or have accomplished can combat our more perfectionistic tendencies. No matter how small it may feel, even if it’s the fact that you got out of bed or took a shower, it matters. In our most difficult moments, it takes courage and strength to simply rise from our beds in the morning and your this deserves to be recognized.
  • Use your support system. Regardless of if you are an introvert or an extrovert (or somewhere in between), we all need connection. Our support system helps us to know and feel that we have a place to rest when we are exhausted and be a sounding board for our struggles. It can be hard to put our experiences into words, and sometimes even harder to have those experiences be heard by others. There is also healing that can occur from simply putting words to our internal world. I have been told by so many of the people I work with that simply having a space where they are heard is relieving in and of itself. If sharing it all doesn’t feel safe, that’s okay. Find a way that feels comfortable for you and allows you to still communicate what you need to say. Support systems don’t always have to be people either. For many (myself included), our pets can often be a huge part of our lives and are just as much a part of our support system as the people who are in it. Whatever and whoever is a part of that group, lean on them in a way that feels manageable and supportive for you.
  • Do what brings you peace. We all have different ways of grounding ourselves and decompressing after a difficult day. For me, any engagement with nature will likely be healing for me and it is often my go to in times of stress. Add my two dogs into the mix and it’s even better! What leaves you breathing a little easier? What helps you to feel whole? Does a particular kind of music usually help center you a bit? How about getting your thoughts out on paper and locked away in a personal journal? Whatever it is for you, I would challenge you to try just one. Even if it’s just for a few minutes. When we are struggling, the thought of doing something can be overwhelming and even feel impossible. Try setting a timer for just five minutes and giving yourself that designated time to focus on your peace. Remember, even if that invalidating voice is saying you shouldn’t need it, you deserve it and owe it to yourself just as much as you give it to others.

By Dr. Brittany Findlan, LPC, Psy.D.
Postdoctoral Fellow at Mindful Psychology Associates