Navigating the holidays can be stressful for couples, as each person has their own traditions and needs. Fights can increase during this time of year as there is a desire for a perfect holiday, which can mean different things for different people. How do we navigate this well?
- Communication is key.
The first step is finding out what each person needs and values are at this time of year. What are the traditions, and special moments you each want to honor? - Turn thoughts into actions.
After talking through what each person wants and needs, it is time to get practical. Make a list of the tasks and decide who will accomplish them. Many fights begin because one person is feeling they are doing all the work. Make sure you are both participating in making the season a good one. - Learn to compromise.
Understand that there are some problems that can’t be solved. You cannot simultaneously meet both your needs at once. Often there needs to be compromise. It is important to really listen to each other and do your best to meet each other’s needs as well as our own. - Focus on acts of kindness.
Really listening to your partner allows you to be a better partner and to know what would bring them happiness at this time of year. Ideally each person is thinking about the needs of their partner. Little things can go a long way. - Ask for help.
Often there is one or two people in a family who do the heavy lifting during the holidays. This can leave you feeling stressed and unappreciated. If your partner has not followed through on their roles, gently check in with them. - Take time for self-care.
This can mean listening to music, reading, exercising, eating nourishing food, or whatever behavior makes you feel clear and centered. You can’t be a good partner if you aren’t taking care of yourself, too. - Streamline celebrations.
Often, we have many traditions around the holidays, and we try to do everything we have always done to make the holidays special. Take time to decide where you want to focus your time and energy on to make memories with those you love. Things that have become more of a burden than a joy can be left behind this year. - Spend less.
The holidays do not have to be about elaborate gifts. Often, exceeding the budget makes one very anxious. Each person in the couple has a history with money. Spending a lot of money at the holidays may be how their family celebrated, while for the other person in the couple, spending money can create a lot of stress and worry. - Listen.
During stressful times we are often thinking about future events, planning, and worrying. We are not actually present in the moment. Fully listening to our partner and being supportive can help them recenter. - Practice gratitude.
Remember to say thank you, and celebrate your partner’s contribution. The best way to encourage your partner to fully participate is to make them feel appreciated for all they do to make the holidays special.
With improved communication, couples can create wonderful memories together in which they each feel loved and supported. Learning how to solve problems and compromise is a big part of a happy relationship.
If you are a couple wanting to help in improving your relationship, short-term or longer-term counseling can help! Please click to schedule a couples session with Amy Bailey, LCPC.
Amy Bailey, M.A., LCPC, (she, her, hers) sees clients virtually and in our downtown Evanston office.
