So … we know that the holidays are not about the food … however, it is still somewhat about the food and the related messages. This dynamic can be especially salient around holiday celebrations when friends and families gather together for social events that include food and beverages of all kinds.
Here are some tips for managing events when you are in recovery from an eating disorder (ED) at any stage.
1. Consider a plan for meals.
If you know where you are going and general times for the meal, consider planning ahead for how you will stay on track with eating regularly prior to the event. Eating regularly prior to is just as important as to what you might expect to eat during the event itself. Remember, “party food” is just food like any other day … and all foods fit. If you have a trusted person with you, sometimes having them help make you a plate can be a good way to navigate portioning or choices if you feel like you need more support. Emailing a pic to your treatment team for accountability might be another option.
2. Lean on your resources.
When anxious, we are primed to pay attention to the things that make us more anxious and we can forget to pay attention to our internal and external resources—the things that help us feel calmer and more grounded. Remind yourself of your internal resources before you go, like deep breathing, muscle relaxation techniques, coping skills, etc., that you can depend on if feeling anxious or overwhelmed. Also remember your support people who will be available that you can talk to if you are feeling overwhelmed? Have a code word or exchange a look when you need a break so you can grab a couple minutes together privately. If your support person is not with you, can you plan a check-in time? Or are they available for a text if need be?
Remember to seek out and engage with people and things that are calming. When you get to wherever you are going, scout out the places in the environment that feel settling: a nice chair in the corner, a back porch where you can take a couple of deep breaths, a comfy couch where you can watch a few minutes of TV. Do you have a chatty family member who tells funny stories? Seek them out and listen to a funny story or two. Do you have photos on your phone of your friends, pets, etc., you find calming that you can look at? What about a “go to” song you can listen to (even for a couple of minutes in the restroom). Bring a game to play with others or play a game on your phone for a couple of minutes if needed.
3. Use RODBT’s Big 3+1 skill beforehand and throughout the event.
If you tend to feel less relaxed and more tense prior to or during social interactions, you might benefit from activating your social safety system! When our social safety system is on or activated, we feel more open, flexible, and relaxed—it’s our friendly state and we’re more likely to be more social and playful. If you are feeling tense or just need to “chill out” a bit, consider using the Big 3+1 to turn it on! Lean back in your chair, take a slow deep breath, make a closed-mouth smile, and use an eyebrow wag to activate that social safety system 😊. This helps us feel calmer and helps others around us to chill out too. This can be especially helpful if we need to set some boundaries…
4. Set boundaries as needed.
When it comes to food/body/weight/diet talk, think about your needs and how to best set the boundary for you at the time. In some cases, if you are asked directly or someone makes a comment about your food/body/weight, you might state that it is not helpful to your recovery to discuss these topics or anything that doesn’t align with a Health at Every Size or Anti-diet lens and would prefer to change the subject. Or, you may ask for any triggering language or discussion to stop; or while eating to discuss something besides food or diets (current events, movies), etc.? In some cases, perhaps you might just choose to ignore or disengage from conversations where you can and conserve your energy.
5. Be conservative with (or abstain from) alcohol consumption.
Alcohol can be part of many celebrations. Each person has their own relationship with alcohol; however, we encourage everyone to consider and be aware of their relationship with alcohol, as it can impact one’s ability to be grounded and connected to themselves and impact the ability to cope with the other areas discussed above.
6. Plan for self-care after the event.
Just as it may be important to plan for the meals themselves, coping after meals and gatherings is also important. At times, ED urges may increase after meals and gatherings. Perhaps the skills of distraction or acting opposite to action urges may come in handy. For others, the quiet after a gathering can be an uncomfortable shift and it’s important to plan for some good self-care after the noise has quieted down. What is your post-event self-care coping? Does it involve debriefing with someone? Quiet reflection through journaling or artwork? Getting lost in a good book? Ask yourself: What does your system need?
Dr. Michelle Gebhardt, Psy.D., CEDS-C, (she/her/hers) is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Clinical Director of Mindful Psychology Associates.
