It can take a lot of courage to reach out and ask for help. Therapy is a vulnerable process, and it is absolutely okay to feel nervous about starting or returning to therapy. In my experience, several common fears tend to come up frequently. By elaborating about these fears or misconceptions about therapy, I hope you will feel comforted to know you are not alone and perhaps more motivated to start working with a new therapist today.
The therapist will judge me.
Therapists hear many different stories from many different types of clients, and we are not here to judge you or the choices you make. When was the last time you had a safe space to explore your thoughts and feelings free of judgment? Therapy can offer just that. While each therapist has their own approach, I aim to create a safe environment where you feel comfortable exploring what is going well in your life — as well as what is not going well — by fostering trust, curiosity, and empathy. Therapists are people, too, and sometimes we make mistakes. If you do feel judged, I encourage you to discuss your feelings with the therapist (whether that is me or someone else) as it can be a great opportunity to express your feelings and mend concerns.
The therapist will not understand what I have been through.
It can feel intimidating to start therapy with a new therapist, especially if you have a significant trauma history, complex family dynamics, or a long history with past therapies. You are the expert on you. It is impossible for a therapist to have experienced 100% of what our clients have gone through; however, we are here to offer a listening ear and empathize with you and your unique experiences. Of course our life experiences differ — there is only one you. Plus, this is exactly why therapists ask so many questions: curiosity helps us understand how you might be thinking and feeling so we don’t make any assumptions. I believe effective therapy is a two-way relationship, and I encourage clients to provide regular feedback related to their ongoing care.
I’m worried I will be diagnosed with something or labeled as “crazy.”
Diagnosing symptoms is a crucial step in the process of counseling because diagnoses provide clinicians and clients alike with a suggested roadmap for treatment. To use a comparison from medicine, doctors would treat an ear infection differently than a broken bone. The same applies for mental health. Logistically, each client at Mindful Psychology Associates receives a diagnosis in order to bill their insurance. Often, diagnosis can be an important step for receiving resources such as additional support at school or referrals to other professionals. I have worked with some clients who felt highly understood and empowered after receiving a diagnosis, while others preferred to keep the focus on developing awareness and coping skills to manage uncomfortable symptomatology.
Mental illness is a personal weakness.
Though we have made progress related to how mental health is discussed and treated, mental health stigma persists. Individuals may prolong seeking help for fear of being viewed as weak. I believe the opposite is true: getting curious about our thoughts and feelings requires strength, courage, and self-compassion. Our emotions provide helpful cues about our inner and outer worlds. Understanding ourselves and others is hard work, and it does not need to be done on your own. Therapy can not only help you identify your feelings but also develop coping skills to manage the full spectrum of emotions, resulting in becoming more emotionally aware, and showing up as a better partner, friend, parent, worker, etc.
My therapist will be too quiet.
Silence creates space to process everything shared. Outside of therapy, we may rarely allow ourselves to sit still and invite curiosity about our thoughts and emotions. It’s okay, and common, to feel uncomfortable by this slowing down, especially if it is new for you. Learning a new skill is like flexing a muscle: if a muscle has not been used in a long time, it will take some time to strengthen this muscle, and it is okay if that feels difficult initially. I encourage you to discuss your discomfort with your therapist who can help you develop skills to tolerate and manage discomfort. Alternatively, it is important you feel like your therapist is engaged in your sessions, and if you would like to hear more from them, I encourage you to share this feedback directly with them.
My therapist will talk too much.
On the other hand, you may be worried your therapist will talk too much. In which case, similar advice applies: I encourage you to share your feedback with your therapist. It is common for therapists to ask clarifying questions, but you should not feel like your therapist is cutting you off or incorrectly making assumptions. Additionally, therapists sometimes use self-disclosure as a tool with their clients, but you likely wouldn’t know much about your therapist’s personal life. Counseling is a two-way relationship, and discussing discomfort or frustration with your therapist can help build trust and strengthen the therapeutic relationship. Each client differs in how much explanation they may find helpful from a therapist. Ultimately, I hope you leave sessions feeling heard; having ample space to share your thoughts and feelings is a crucial part of achieving this goal.
Talking with someone won’t help.
It is common to experience discomfort when revisiting past history, sitting with difficult emotions, and learning new skills. It may feel easy to confuse this discomfort after starting therapy with thinking things are getting worse. However, things often feel worse before they get better, and you do not have to navigate this alone. Participating in therapy is like unpacking a suitcase — we must first take stock of what is in the suitcase before then doing the work of learning what is serving us versus what may no longer be supporting us. Doing this process with the support of an unbiased trained professional helps individuals achieve outcomes aligned with their goals. Talking with a therapist (and subsequently processing feelings and developing coping skills) can lead to a variety of positive outcomes, including but not limited to decreased stress, improved relationships, better sleep, and increased motivation to tackle life’s challenges.
I hope you feel empowered to engage in the meaningful, and sometimes difficult, work of therapy. Interested in starting counseling? I would be honored to work with you in therapy. You can get started on our intake process to schedule with me or another skilled therapist at Mindful Psychology Associates.
Emma Schaul, LPC, (she, her, hers) sees clients virtually and in our downtown Evanston office.
